Shredded

Most people and organizations stick to a strong privacy rule of shredding every last piece of paper that provides any personal or private details of their lives. You can’t seem to be too careful. With each day comes a new announcement of breaches of personal information by some person or company; hackers are attacking like fire ants in the hot east coast afternoon.

As we’ve seen the last trailing edge of paper disappear through the high priced cross cutting blades, we are satisfied that we have destroyed the item.

Have you ever belonged to something; a group, a community or an organization you felt so passionate about that you couldn’t imagine doing anything else? Most people have had that feeling before. But, what about when they exited that stage and surrendered their membership and no longer an active part of the machine; what did they feel then. I hope it was pleasant and were allowed to leave on terms that left the feeling of fulfillment, value and fond memories.

I have also belonged to something and felt that passion.  I like to think I was great, that I served a purpose and created a positive impact. It was my second child, next to the beautiful daughter I carried for nine months and gave birth to. I have many good memories. Those good memories are a bit dull and tarnished by the negative memories I sometimetimes feel; overwhelmed by leaving without well-wishes and promises to stay in touch; I wasnt even discarded.

I was shredded. Shredding wasn’t even enough. I was shredded and then burned; making sure that even the most skilled person would ever be able to re-assemble the remnants. My ashes still solder, after many rains, ice and snow. It burns. Some would argue I’ve gotten what I deserve and they may be right, who knows.

No Mas!

Some days I am good; and when I am good, I am great! I mean, like really great.  Other days, my brain feels clouded and like I am in a haze. These other days, I just can’t get anything done and spend the day chasing myself. These other days, I just want to crawl under the bed and hide from the boogie man. Don’t even bother turning on the television, it’s just all bad news of someone dying, persecuted or the world is on fire.

I need some sunshine on my face; enough to bring out my freckles. I love my freckles. They are like snow flakes that are unique and mapped out perfectly for my face. Sun in my hair and lighten it to MY real shade of blonde. Tan lines remind me that this body has been outdoors, usually sweating from a run or an afternoon on the boat.

I have pictures of the sunny me. I just haven’t seen her in person in a while. Care free and without a worry in the world.

Worry. I said it. That is the boogie man that scares me back into bed and under the covers I go.